December 14, 2018

Christmas Mirth

Lets have some Xmas jokes to get us all in a festive mood:

Question: What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Answer: Tarzipan !


  1. Who looks after Santa when he’s ill?……..

    The National Elf Service, of course

  2. Mary Wheldon says:

    Why are sheep always warm?…….

    Because they have central

  3. eve fawcett says:

    what did the christmas tree say to the other christmas tree? ……
    hey spike!

  4. Mary Wheldon says:

    What is the most famous bauble singer?

    Justin Bauble!

    editors note : Its actually Michael Baublé

  5. Angela Steele says:

    What did Cinderella say when the Chemist lost her photographs ?

    Someday my prints will come !

  6. Liese Fawcett says:

    How do you destroy a circus?

    You need to go for the juggler…

  7. Pete says:

    What’s the most popular wine at Christmas?

    “I don’t like sprouts” !

  8. Pete says:

    What do elves learn in school?

    The Elf-abet!

  9. Pete says:

    What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

  10. Andrew says:

    I got my gran a wooden leg for Christmas.

    It wasn’t her main present, just a stocking filler

  11. Angela Steele says:

    Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas and he put it straight in the bank.

    Why did he do that?

    He was trying to save time!

  12. Angela Steele says:

    Why don’t the polar bears eat the penguins?

    Because they can’t get the silver paper off!

  13. Our Xmas Cake has mysteriously vanished.

    I spoke to the police and they said it must have been Stollen.

  14. Robbie Wheldon (age 6) says:

    What’s black and white and likes to eat grass

    A cow!

  15. Robbie Wheldon (age 6) says:

    Why do we count down to Christmas?

    Because we’re feeling greedy!

  16. Jo Wheldon (age 21) says:

    What did the English teacher call Santa’s helpers?

    Subordinate clauses

  17. Angela says:

    How do elves greet each other?

    “Small world, isn’t it?”

  18. For Christmas I was given a racing snail. However it seemed was a bit slow, so I removed its shell. Still didn’t help, if anything now it’s even more sluggish.

  19. Pete says:

    Oh no!

  20. I’m hoping to make some serious money over Christmas. I’ve withdrawn 200 £5 notes from the bank and am sketching furrowed brows on the Queens forehead ……

  21. Ayana says:

    What is a childs favourite king at christmas ?

    A stocKING !!!!

  22. Ayana says:

    Who’s claws do you never see?

    Santas claws!

  23. Mary Wheldon says:

    What toilet do polarbears go to?


  24. Mary Wheldon says:

    Why does Rudolf love carotts?

    Because it puts colour in his nose !!!

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